Swamp Creature

This grew out of late night doodles, this is the swamp elemental in its young form. At this age it is foolish, amicable and easily distracted. However if you hurt it, it will wail at such a terrible pitch that people have been known to pass out from the pain and if that doesn't get you then mummy who comes running when this little one cries will not wait to hear explanations before ripping you to pieces. You've been warned.
I may do a better version of this at a later stage with black ink and decent shading rather than rubbish fibretip colour.

RIP Mark Speight (1985 - 2008)

I awoke to the dreadful news that Mark Speight had been found hanged at Paddington Railway Station in London. I am currently in a state of numb shock. Mark was a childhood hero to me. The charismatic face of SMart on CBBC, it was he who taught me a lot of the techniques I know today in regards to drawing. I draw because he inspired me. To lose him so horrifically...I honestly don't know how to react. His last few days following the end of the inquest into his fiancee's death appear to have just been too much for him to cope with. I hope that wherever he is now that he and his fiancee whom he described as his soulmate and best friend are in each others arms once more.

Below follows the obituary from the BBC website.

Mark Speight was one of the most recognisable faces on children's television for more than a decade.
His spiky blonde hair, rubbery features and enthusiastic grin was seen on programmes such as Scratchy and Co, See It Saw It and SMart.
But his world fell apart in January when he found fiancee Natasha Collins dead in the couple's north London flat.
"A part of me died with her," he later told reporters. "She was my soulmate and best friend rolled into one."
Mr Speight was born in 1965 - "when TV was black and white", according to his CBBC profile - and called Trowbridge, Wiltshire, his home.
He was educated at the private Tettenhall College before transferring to the comprehensive Regis School (now King's School) in Wolverhampton at the age of 12.
Turning up for his first day in a prefect's uniform and clutching a briefcase made him an attractive prospect for bullies, he said.
"I was an obvious target. I didn't know how to look after myself with all these big tough kids," he told the Birmingham Evening Mail in 2005.
Like many bullied children, he learned to use humour as a defence - "I became the class joker" - but decided to leave school at 16.
Art was his favourite subject, "because the art room was warm and the teacher was attractive", so he enrolled in college, gaining a degree in commercial and graphic art.
His subsequent career on television was, he claimed, nothing more than a happy accident.
SMart was his big break - a BBC children's programme that inherited Tony Hart's legacy of lessons in painting and handicraft.
The success of that show led Mr Speight to ITV, where he spent four years as host of the anarchic Saturday morning children's show Scratchy and Co.
Dressed in a sky-blue suit with a blonde rubber wig, Mr Speight became something of a cartoon himself, while introducing popular animated series such as Animaniacs and Pinky and the Brain.
"I don't mind taking the mickey out of myself - the more stupid I look, the more I like it," he told the Daily Mirror in 1998.
His popularity led to many public appearances, notably with his Mr Speight of the Art children's workshops.
He also joined Rolf Harris in London's Trafalgar Square to help recreate Constable's painting The Haywain on a gigantic scale.
That led to other live shows where Mr Speight helped create new versions of Holbein's portrait of Henry VIII and Da Vinci's Mona Lisa.
Mr Speight also became a spokesperson for ChildLine and raised money for Muscular Dystrophy.
In 1999, he was cast as the bumbling king of Much Jollity-On-The-Mirth in CBBC game show See It, Saw It.
It was on this programme that he met Natasha Collins, who played a court jester.
After he found her body in their bathroom earlier this year, Mr Speight became troubled and vulnerable, according to his family.
He was initially arrested on suspicion of murder and supplying Class A drugs, but last month Scotland Yard said he would not face any charges over the death.
An inquest into Ms Collins' death heard she had taken cocaine and sleeping tablets before apparently collapsing in the bath.
Mr Speight was reported missing a week after the coroner recorded a verdict of death by misadventure.
Presenter Kirsten O'Brien, who worked alongside Mr Speight on SMart, said he was "without doubt the funniest man I've ever known".
She said: "Filming days were a joy as Mark would often have the crew and I doubled up with laughter and I think that showed on screen.
"I'm proud to have had Mark in my life and am devastated at losing him in such a terrible way. All of his friends will miss him deeply.
"Mark could find light in the darkest situations for others. I'm only sorry he couldn't find it for himself."

Heart Tales

And still it plagues my mind
How did this happen?
It was supposed to be fate.
Coincidences like that just don't happen!

But once again I'm lying on the floor of my room
Surrounded by mementoes of love lost
Items forever imbued with memories
Wondering where it all went wrong.

Trying not to cry as I stare at the ceiling
Sad songs on the radio
Making me tearful
It’s not right to cry in public...I can't help it.

An age ago you told me not to cry
I tried my best, I didn't cry,
But now the floodgates open
And I'm drowning in my sorrow.

Your ghostly touch haunts me
The memory too painful to think on
Yet I cannot escape it
Everything reminds me of you.

Why do I love so readily?
I only ever get hurt.
I've lost count of the heart breaks.
Lost track of the times I've played this CD.

Barbara Streisand...always Barbara Streisand.
"Kiss me in the rain; make me feel like I'm a child again"
I feel the memory of your kiss on my lips
As the rain drenched us both.

I wanted to dance with you as it fell,
To dance and kiss you like the world didn't matter
To lay beneath the stars on a warm summers evening
Counting the ways we loved each other.

I can't help wonder...
Was I moving to slowly?
Would things be different if I wasn't so unsure of myself?
It felt so right being with you.

I'm naive, if it wasn't meant to be
It wasn't meant to be
I only wish it didn't hurt so much.
At least my honour is still mine.

How many more times must I go through this?
Until I find the one I'm looking for?
The one destiny has planned
My gift from the divine?

Still at least I'm my own woman once more
Time to celebrate my femininity
Single woman, I don't need a man to define me
I am me.

Celtic, confident, assured.
I am Keridwen.

(c) 2008 - Randomgoth.deviantart.com

A Northumbrian Prayer

Wor Fither God, Ye encorcle us with your greet love,
through Jesus, wor mate and master.
Wu thank ye for aall your goodness to us -
this baarry coounty in which wu live,
the delights of pipin' an' patterin'
As membors of your family on orth.
keep us ivvor close by ee, we pray.
May wu thrive in the Holy Spirit
and bring your gud news to wor woorld
the day, the morn and aalways. Amen.
(c) Carol Dixon - March 2008

Standard English Version
Our Father God, you encircle us with your great love,
through Jesus our friend and master.
Thank you for all your goodness to us -
this beautiful county in which we live,
the delights of music making and talking with friends.
As members of your family on earth,
keep ys ever close to you, we pray.
May we grow in the Holy Spirit
and bring your good news to our world,
today, tomorrow and always. Amen.

Confused spirituality - seeking

I'm searching for something more than what is offered by the current form Christianity, I have a longing to connect with the divine in whatever form that might be be it God or Goddess. I want to connect to the world more as well, to get better aquainted with the natural world around me.
This is why I am currently exploring druidry and the way it can fit with traditional celtic christianity.
This is definitly a transitional searching place im at right now.
Journey well and blessed Be.

New beginnings

I'm setting out on a new journey, a new beginning with God. A spiritual walk, walking with the divine through the world around me. Seeking the inherent fingerprints of God in His creation.
I'm longing to expereince the power of nature and through that God's power.
I'm fed up with what I call 9-5 church. A church that squabbles and in fights, that gets hung up on a particular wording or verse for months on end.
I want a radical faith that seeks God not just by reading an old book but that lives the life, meets with God on a daily basis.
I want 500% faith, the kinda faith that moves mountains not the politics of modern christianity where a church meeting is needed to decide whether or not to move a pulpit 5 inches to the left!
I want a radical spirituality that speaks of God's love to others.
So it is with a nervous yet excited step I start out on this new journey.

Image credit

I hope you're happy

You could be happy and I won't know
But you weren't happy the day I watched you go

And all the things that I wished I had not said
Are played on lips 'till it's madness in my head

Is it too late to remind you how we were
But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur

Most of what I remember makes me sure
I should have stopped you from walking out the door

You could be happy, I hope you are
You made me happier than I'd been by far

Somehow everything I own smells of you
And for the tiniest moment it's all not true

Do the things that you always wanted to
Without me there to hold you back, don't think, just do

More than anything I want to see you go
Take a glorious bite out of the whole world


Snow Patrol - You could be happy

Sabbatical Elections 08 - Democratic Hypocrisy?

Once more it's election time at the Student's Union, yet this year there is a distinct lack of candidates. Back in 2007 there were over 30 students running for the six available sabbatical positions, this year there is less then half that number. So what's going wrong?


Democracy, we all know the history, how it's meant to be one of the greatest conceptions of the modern world, and to a certain extent this is true. Why is it then that no-one seems too bothered that this year two of the SABBS positions are going uncontested. To be fair its no-ones faulty that only one person has put themselves forward for these positions, but it still makes me sad that I will have no choice (other than to vote for nominations to be re-opened).

Interest amongst students seems to waver between extremes, those who are passionate about a particular cause or those who care but don't think they'll make a difference. The challenge seems to be getting people engaged with politics, something that is a nationwide problem.
The picture nationally reflects this; in the last general election only 59% of those registered to vote turned out to vote compared to the 76% in 1979 according to the Office for National Statistics (ONS).

For a country that has gone to war with others to overthrow dictators and introduce the institution of democracy, most recently in Iraq, we are a people who seem increasingly to ignore our own politics.
Certainly we hold the ideals that a democracy brings to heart and we would be outraged if they were to taken away from us. I know very few people who don't hold one opinion or another over the war in Iraq, yet one of the major justifications was to bring democracy to the Iraqi people, something that has had limited success so far.
For an institution that we all feel so strongly about you would think that we would all be more willing to go to the polling station.

One of the most noticeable falls in recent statistics comes from those aged 18-24 (my own age group?!), in 1998 the British Social Attitudes Survey found that only a third of people believed they had an obligation to vote, compared to four-fifths of over 65 year olds. This makes for grim reading, yet there is hope for us 'young adults'.
Statistically those young adults in education are more likely to be interested in politics and less likely to have formed an attachment to a particular political party, suggesting that they are far more likely to make informed decisions about political parties, instead of being influenced by older generations.

So how to go about exciting young people into voting and engaging with local and national politics; if you look at the current state of affairs in America, where there has been an incredible surge in the number of people voting, we can see that people are interested, they just need to be more inspired.
The current race to become leader of the Democratic Party between Barrack Obama and Hilary Clinton is at the centre of this change. Each of these candidates are unique, Obama as the first black man to run for presidency and Clinton as the first woman. It would seem that this shake up in candidates has made all the difference in America, as they edge away from traditional middle class white males.

Obviously American politics are completely different to the situation within the Student's Union but perhaps we can take some of their ideas and use them to really excite students into really getting involved with their Union. It is well known that elections are mainly a popularity contest only second to policies so why not hold mini rallies!

So how does this all relate to our own Union? Admittedly the comparison is fairly far fetched, but consider for one moment the reassuring fact that young people aren't indifferent to politics and why should we be?
Here at Swansea we have one of the highest turn outs of Union elections in the country, some feat when you consider we are only a relatively small institution. It is true that times have changed for the average student, the days of rallies and protests have all but disappered. Yet that doesn't make us any less politically aware, in a world where we are constantly bombarded by the media it's hard not to have a vague idea of politics. Let's face it though; with a guy like Gordon Brown in charge of the country, it's prehaps not surprising we're bored of politics.

I don't have to go into the well known history of the women suffragettes or mention the oppression that some people face in other countries to get across the importance of democracy.
Perhaps it is harsh to call us hypocrites of democracy, but for a country that believes in it so strongly, we don't really show it.
At the level of our Student Union, where we are (stereotypically) called 'the next generation', it is a sad fact that we don't seem to care who runs it. Does this mean we won't care about politics in general? I doubt it. But id we're making a stand about how we want things run, get our voices heard about issues that matter to us, like library opening times, then we really need to get more involved. I'm sure those who've entered themselves as candidates this year have done so because they love Swansea and want to make it the best place for us, all they need now is our support.

All of this doesn't answer the question here as to why people here at Swansea seen to be ignoring the importance of our Union. I'm sure there are many reasons that people could give. I'm certainly not going to preach the importance of voting, and I certainly don't have any answers to the indifference that is plaguing our society. But next time you're in JC's remember it's the Student Union that helped set the price of the beer you're drinking.
(Waterfront article - Issue 165)

The student union sabbatical positions are being voted on today at my uni. I voted on
principle, but I'm shocked at the number of people who plan not to vote?!
These are the same people who complain about how our SU is run but yet cannot be arsed to vote?
This apathy is poisonous! It goes against everything this country stands for. How can we call ourselves a democracy when half the population doesn't believe in voting any more? Do we even deserve to have a democracy if people are going to let their vote go to waste?

Our right to vote is precious! USE IT OR LOSE IT!

Average

Ever had that niggling feeling you weren't really achieving your true potential?
I seem to be getting it more and more these days. Nothing I do is particularly outstanding...nor is it particularly rubbish...I'm just average.

Average, mediocre, dull.

I had dreams, dreams of being someone. Doing something important with my life.
Reality check...I'll probably end up just another stressed out secretary and mother. Trying to make ends meet, struggling to pay off mounting debts, having to re-morgage the house again and endlessly sniping at my equally stressed out husband.

What happened? At which point did I miss the boat to become something? Or have I not missed it, is it just that the world is so foggy a place at the moment that I can't see it?

St David's Day

I can't wait for March 1st aka St David's Day! Its a really big day here in Wales with all sorts of activities organised by Swansea Council. I wish we did more for St George's day in England...not that I'm english anyway but it seems to me that the english don't have the same level of patriotism as the welsh/scots/irish. English people correct me if I'm wrong. It just seems like more of a big deal here.

Changing Identity

RandomGoth has become Zenfrozt.
Don't panic folks! I'm currently rewriting my website and as such have changed my alias.
Zenfrozt fits me better than RandomGoth now. However my artwork on DeviantART shall remain under RandomGoth as I have seen what happens to people who try to re-invent themselves on DeviantART under a different name.

The blog has also had a makeover and become 'Coffee Cup musings from a modern Hippy'
These changes may or may not last, it depends on how I feel it goes.

Firestaff

This post is to commemorate my first fire staff spinning. I have moved from poi to staff as I was getting increasingly frustrated with my apparent to grasp new tricks. Staff I am finding more enjoyable and more natural.
On wednesday 13th February 2008 I span with a lit fire staff for the first time, this was swiftly followed by more fire spinning on the 14th as well.
I could wax lyrical about the sensations for pages I suspect. However its late. I shall update this at a later point.

Love

Does it ever get more understandable?
Why do we fall for the people we fall for?
Why do our hearts skip when we're near our loved one and ache with such previously unknown pain when we're apart?

Any ideas?
Just musing as its nearly valentines day.

Pay not attention to this entry

This entry is just so I can access this info quickly at a future point.

http://www.seat61.com/Italy.htm#Rome
http://www.trenitalia.com/en/index.html

Why do you run?

(If this is your image, please contact me and I will either add a citation or remove the image.)

People always ask
why do you run?
Like its a strange thing.
I want to ask them
why do you not?
Have you tried it?
Are you simply remembering the pain of school PE?
Have you felt the buzz?

Let me try to explain...

A hard day,
I've been stuck behind a desk
scribbling notes from a lecture
or typing my notes up
and learning them.

After awhile my mind clogs up
like gears that need oiling.
Dregs of the day jam the moving parts
till I can't think straight.
I need to get out,
to become one with this world again.

Each run has a ritual
my own pre-run ritual.
It calms my racing mind
eases the knots of tension.

I slip my sports kit on
feeling the flow of the material
against my skin
so free, not like my day wear
my tight jeans and top.

I tie my hair back
whilst doing breathing excercises
that further calm my mind.
The same ones I use pre-exam.
Never understood the science
that means it works.
I don't care if it works.

I start to feel the familiar twitch
of muscles priming themselves to move
to power my body over the earth
I'm longing to hit the trail.

Sitting down I pull my trainers on,
first the left and a double knot
then the right and a double knot.
I've never done it any other way.
Ritual. Don't deviate.

Strapping my music to my arm
I power it on and slip the ear phones onto my ears
feeling the beat,
urging my feet to move.

I stretch gently
then head out the door.
Starting off slowly,
half power-walk, half slow jog
until I reach the beach.

Once more I stretch,
my muscles warmed up and ready.
One command from my mind
and I'm off
running letting my brain
take control of the machine
that is my body.

Freedom.
I run like today didn't happen
and tomorrow doesn't matter.
I'm at one with nature
small compared to her might.

I run chasing the surf
feeling the wind rush past my face
the rain soaks me
but I'm free.

The music pounds in my ears
my feet hitting the sand
in rhythmic time to it.
Unity, power, dare I say it grace?

I marvel at the design of my body
the seeming ease at which it copes with the terrain
I dance with the elements
Charging over the dunes and down into the breaking surf.

I play at tag with the mini breakers
daring them to chase me up the beach
The evening glow starts to envelop the beach
as I run.

I'm the only one out there
my heart pounding in my chest
my lungs stung by the salt air
but moving powerfully
pushing my body to its limits.

My adrenaline levels soar
I feel I could do this forever
Just me and the elements
dancing some bizarre dance together.

All too soon its time to head back
to rejoin the rat race
until the next time
when I crave to be free.

I hit the showers
the warm water washing over my body
soothing tired limbs...

It feels good to be alive.

(c) 2008 RandomGoth

Mind Dump

It’s late here
But sleep evades
Like it had for days
Change of surroundings
Coupled with stress
It always happens.

I’m missing you again
Heart yearning for what it doesn’t have
A dull constant ache of desire.
I’m sat watching the rain patter against the glass
As darkness falls, the cold welsh night.

I may go for a walk
Go watch the sea
As it laps at the bay
Again and again
The gentle rhythm soothing my tired mind
Like cool hands on fevered skin.

Skin…hands…once more my heart reminds me
Of this love I have for you.
I want to lay in your arms
Let this frenetic world pass me by
Two lovers entwined,
At one with each other.

I’m craving the sensuality
Your warm embrace provided.
I want to feel that femininity
I’d not felt till I felt your caress.
Craving the power that surged
Beneath my skin,
Carnal energy that made me shiver.

I’m rambling again,
My mind flowing faster than I can write
Wondering if I could even class this as poetry
It’s merely a mind dump of all the random stuff
That swamps my brain at the moment.
I find myself consoling my heart
That easter will arrive like a thief in the night,
Just like Christmas did,
And I can return to you again.

The rain has stopped
I think I’ll take that walk
I’ll let the cool sea air
Play across my face
And shout my love for you to the stars
There’s no one to hear me
But the wind and the waves and the Gods.
But with nature as my witness
I’ll declare my love, my lust
And dance across the sand
Laughing as the tempest roars
And I revel in my humanity.

I went to the beach
And the heavens opened
I didn’t care.
The stars and the peace I sought
Were awaiting me there.
Snippets of bad poetry
Echoed my footfalls
As I wandered the darkness.

I wonder if I’ll post this
Or keep it private…
Will I email it to you
Or keep it as a diary
Casting it into the depths of my drawers
To lay with other things I’ve deemed not good enough to share.

My words bounce round my mind
Thoughts of me, of you, of Genevieve, of exams
Of anything and everything and nothing.

I walk as if in a dream
My head in the clouds
My feet on the ground
It’s raining still
Running in rivulets down my face
Numbing and envigorating
Strange contrasts I barely notice
As I ruminate and reminisce and dream.

There is a freedom to be found here
In the stillness of the night
One cannot feel in the hours of light
Peaceful contentment, yet at times
So freeing of the mind
That one can at once feel regret.

I walk on in my never-ending dream
My waking dream.
The one I can only reach at night
When the bustle of the day has passed me by…
And still I wonder at the value of sharing this?
Is there some?
Or am I simply blogging in semi-poetic form.

Bad poetry, incorrect meter
Rubbish stanzas…
But a longing to release this torrent of words
A rhythm in my mind
Driving them onwards
Paying little heed to rhyme.

Is this the voice of my innermost being?
Freed at last to speak the thoughts I try to suppress?

I’m playing your own words in my head
Watching the images like a film across the theatre of my mind
I’m sounding like a cliché again.
Perhaps when sleep befalls me,
I can lose myself in your words, in an image you’ve crafted?

Perhaps, maybe, who knows…
I’m rambling again.
Good night, adieu.

(c)2008 RandomGoth.deviantart.com